love

The sage Ruler wanted her to marry him, and all signs pointed to that truth. He was committed, ‘in’, and ready to tie the knot. Rationally, perhaps pompously, he evaluated that it was the right thing to do. However, she was barely ready to consider marriage despite the many things that she had said yes to: Buying a house, starting a family, planning retirement. Her original family beginnings were too chaotic, and it was her birth that started the years of discord. How could she be the cause of more discord her heart screamed, no matter how much she loved him. She was paralyzed.
And it was precisely because they bought a house, that the need to control his kingdom was born. This brought out the tyrant in him: Expectant, demanding, righteous, and unfeeling, the Ruler hated this part of his DNA, yet it would sneak out in inopportune moments causing shame and frustration galore. His inclination toward authority over his love’s sovereignty disgusted and confused him, and so he felt caught between two very uncomplimentary parts often leaving his new kingdom to find solace.
When desperate, he would give ultimatums and use force to support his entitlement and then sulk back to his work shed, wondering what on earth just happened. Hanging his head, he expressed how much he wanted to honor his would-be wife’s timing. He really desired to respect her choices and lean into what she could give him. But his family was adamant. Marriage is both the key to being responsible and to being part of this family. It is what we do if you want to belong. And so, the sage ruler was in quite the dilemma, rejected by his mate and ridiculed by his family.
Now the ruler was a modern guy. He truly, in his heart of hearts loved his lover and could be unattached and constructive at the same time. But this nagging ache in his gut, born of a need for guarantees left him paralyzed too. He could not be sage, nor a ruler of his kingdom which left him impotent and codependent. He was lost in his own palace.
As it turned out, and because he loved her so much, he was willing to override the force of his DNA so to become the sage ruler that also lived in his gut. The wise in him held the unwise and the power in him held the chaos of disorder that had created the need for control. He positioned her throne next to his at the front of their big, wrap around porch, and held her hand with unconditional care. He gazed at their ringless clasp in total awe and acceptance. He had not lost anything save the constraints of freedom and joy.