dharma

“I am a foreign object, lucky, but not worthy.” She worked in ‘big law’ culture representing people who were not as lucky and who felt equally unworthy. Her parents hailed from a small country that hosts the largest open-pit gold mine in the deserts of central Asia, north of Afghanistan. The lawyer would return ‘home’ every other year for weddings and funerals, but grew up in Adams Morgan, an upscale neighborhood in D.C.
Yasmina looked in the mirror once a day, disciplining her eyes to look downward any other time there was a mirror around. Bathrooms made this difficult, but she had mastered the art of not looking. No selfies or group photos either, at least as few as possible. This was especially hard since her many friends all loved to document evenings out with lots of pictures for memory’s sake.
On one of these evening dinners out, she looked over at her best friend and shared that being a lawyer was not her first career choice; it was her parents. “I did what was expected of me and I made sure that I was very good at it. And now I have everything that I could want and more, but I do not like my job.” She explained how she functioned automatically, returning home every day to her sofa for hours of nothing. “What I really want, really and truly, is to be creative as a fashion stylist, teaching people by sharing the dos and don’ts of dressing well.” She has had a lot of practice in formal and more casual affairs owning three wardrobes full of clothing in her top floor apartment.
Her friend listened and asked Yasmina why she didn’t or wouldn’t explore this interest more seriously. Yasmina paused and lowered her eyes, whispering that her greatest fear is being laughed at or worse, being called stupid. “Who would take me seriously; lawyer by day, and stylist by?” She thwarted every effort to express her genius by staying in the smart lane and avoiding the other. It had to be one or the other in her view, as both seemed impossible.
Her best friend Maryam tried to understand Yasmina’s view, but her right brain made seeing her dear friend’s dilemma easy for she could be radically inclusive, seeing both her job and her interests as mutually compatible. Meanwhile Yasminas left brain saw her dilemma has mutually exclusive, eliminating any possibility of a blaringly obvious compatibility!
Yasmina gave the suitable name of ‘Fear’ to her left front and back brain. Maryam gave the suitable name of ‘Love, Awe, and Wonder’ which she called ‘LAW’ to her right front and back brain. When Maryam shared this with Yasmina, her eyes lit up hearing this acronym! She could imagine tricking her left brain by using LAW to take down the flood gates that blocked her years of unique and creative ideas. Her fear brain had no idea what to do with her genuine inspirations but could be convinced to let LAW take over simply because it loved the name!
Slowly dear Yasmina reoriented her inner perspectives enough to speak of her skills at work. “Please help me find my look,” one coworker exclaimed, and “Yes, please help me, I have a huge function coming up next weekend and I have no idea what to wear,” said another. Yasmina’s eyes lifted upwards this time with a look of awe and wonder and not a shred of fear. She had made the journey from her left brain to her right and back again as she organized her ingenuity!
The best part for Yasmina is that her parents approved. In fact, she was asked to design her cousin’s wedding ‘back home’ giving her the freedom to explore her country’s national costumes that boldly featured ornate brocade, lace, and layers of colors. Yasmina found her place in both of her home countries, slowly but surely, and no one, absolutely no one, thought her stupid or laughable, not even herself.