womb of emptiness

     With a keen memory, the little mouse vividly recalled being in her mother’s womb feeling disconnected and ill at ease. The dreadful familiarity of the womb-like void made it easy for her to access whenever she felt threatened by her current and most meaningful relationships. It was also very challenging for her to feel the difference between the void as a place to check out from her feelings, lost in the absence of love, versus the void or womb as an atmosphere of letting go where it is safe to relax and renew.

Within the womb that she knew so well there quickly grew a wall she named ‘safety.’ The job of safety was to play the game of protection tricking her into a false sense of love. When safety executed her job in a practiced and expert way, the little mouse believed that love would flow under impossible circumstances with unavailable friends. This meant that she could habitually settle for emotional breadcrumbs, putting her faith in those who could not show up for her. This would give her a false sense of security that in turn created a flexibility in her that allowed the absence of love to feel normal.

She reflected upon her relationships with humility, realizing the depth of her dilemma. She was at the origin of her attachments, willing to martyr her presence for a drop of apparent care. So, she felt into her place of refuge, experiencing it as both frightening and enticing. A mixture of a drug-like addiction to feeling aloof and superior to the pain of abandonment and an invitation to a larger version of the womb. The little mouse realized that she could enter the womb as the child of her mother, or she could enter and surrender in the great universal womb of creation. She shuddered at the difference between her two options, feeling powerless to the experience of being in the maternal womb, and powerful in her choice to allow the great and mighty cosmic womb to hold her with divine love.

The sweet little mouse realized that both options were true, her mammalian experience and her divine heritage. The agony of her life origins haunted her yet surrendering to the unconditional care of her greater origin finally loomed larger than her little life. She was no longer afraid of the vast, empty void, entering as the radiant light of awareness, identified as nothing, and feeling connected to everything.

She began to taste freedom and even bliss as she relaxed more deeply into the mystery of emptiness. As she was freefalling, her body/mind cleared the deepest of unconscious mental and physical patterns, beliefs, and assumptions. She could finally trust the journey. And in so doing she was led by the hands of pure grace into her higher nature, shifting into the upper room perspective and experiencing a divine love that she now knew could and would hold all flavors of misery.

The womb of the divine radiated an undeniable and unconditional love that the little mouse received. It healed her hurt thereby relinquishing the role of ‘safety’ in exchange for presence and peace. She could now move through the world as a child of God first and the daughter of her mother second. Her primary nature permeated the shadows of her mammalian life experience and she too radiated with the vast light of love and innocence. She could envision her life and relationships differently now, knowing that love attracts love. “So be it,” she proclaimed, and the universe gladly responded.