possums and southern belles

Possums are amazing creatures.
They have very sharp memories, rarely get rabies, and are mostly immune to snake bites. But what they are most known for is playing dead in front of predators. When the animal experiences intense fear in the face of danger, it seizes up, flops to the ground where it can remain for hours staring blankly ahead, sticking out its tongue!
It’s an impressive defensive mechanism, but they have no control when they play dead or for how long they do it: The comatose-like state is an involuntary freeze reaction to stress.
Another similar creature of the south is the southern belle. She is as sweet as iced tea, enviably put together, and has an inherent and polished comfort in the ‘woe is me’ victim persona. For some, it is the unquestioned and undebated archetype promising a means of survival. It cultivates a peculiar focus on her disempowered feminine as a way of controlling her predators, peppered at least with fun and frivolity.
Unlike the possum, the southern belle was chronically seized in her freeze and fawn state, backed up with moment-to-moment responses that were an effort to guarantee safety. Responses such as apologizing, holding back true opinions, having a hard time saying ‘no,’ putting others needs before her own, trouble with boundaries, fixing, rescuing, and often changing opinions or preferences to keep the peace. All while appearing impeccably beautiful.
You cannot take the predator out of the victim or vice versa. And the victim would readily accept the chivalrous protection of those who accepted the legitimacy of their claim to command.
Unlike possums, the young human adult creature carries the shadow archetype of their parent into its opposite expression. For the Belle, she would swing into a position of power, suddenly aware of other women too. She wanted all woman from the south, north, east, and west to be powerful. She believed herself to be victorious and free. She too would make the journey from ‘me too’ to ‘what’s next’ by combatting any weakness or sense of disposability. She even changed the way she spoke and dressed to demonstrate her fierceness. She called herself a Goddess!
And, to no avail, the belle would predictably, if not underhandedly, strive to fix her mother’s powerlessness hoping she would take control of her life. Belle turned victor was tired of her predecessors irresponsible and often predatory behavior where she expected special treatment and an exemption from life’s responsibilities. The mother would try, often making what would be a barely recognizable bit of progress that was quite unsatisfactory to the reformed daughter’s new expectations.
The southern goddess ran into a glitch when despite all efforts, her life became full of chaos. She was forced to stop and recognize that her inner work involved directly facing the form she was running from. It felt counterproductive and unnatural, but she realized through crisis alone that it was necessary if she were to embrace and fulfill her hero’s journey. This turning inwards first meant overcoming the propensity to immediately freeze and shutdown for she needed to be conscious and choiceful.
Now the southern goddess wanted to regain the true independence and freedom that she missed in her upbringing. Fighting for the victim is very different than evolving into sovereignty and the ‘leaning in’ required for maturity, sharing connection, needs, and disappointments.
This woman matured by honoring the history and legacy of the victim status in her family and gender without blame. For the victim learned to demonstrate its power like a possum playing dead to control its predator.
Humbly seeing the generations of shadow archetypes playing out through the women of her extended family, she could see how being the victim was a safe way to keep from feeling exploited and unsafe, albeit with the burdens of secret, chronic complaining and cynicism. She no longer needed to feign fragility, being special, attack the patriarchy, or for that matter anyone else in her way.
The southern belle turned victor became a woman of her own making, embracing, and moving beyond the legacy of her kin. She was now free to welcome other women into the realm of pure power, naturalness, and celebration too, not as an arrogant birthright, but as an evolution in consciousness. One that trumps ‘me too,’ and ‘what’s next.’
Sandy Bunch
Yes, we all know this stereotype, AND there's all the actual Women of the South who are some of the strongest, toughest, badass women I've ever known or met.

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Anna Pittman
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Good morning!!!