more, more, more

Chen sat on the large balcony of her penthouse apartment with her new friend Max, observing the sweeping view of the city sprawled out below them. All the city lights twinkled like stars, a far cry from the original poverty her grandparents experienced when living in their home country two generations ago. With a sigh, she began to share her story.

Growing up as the child of entrepreneurial immigrants in a high-cost, west coast, upper-class city in the U.S., Chen had internalized a survival mentality deeply rooted in the principles of capitalism. These principles came with a hefty dose of financial anxieties and lofty expectations. Leaning forward, she explained to Max how ‘the boyfriend’ she was dating had chosen a different path—one that prioritized exalted emotions and states of mind over financial security.

Even as Chen leaned back into the big, fluffy couch pillows, she fully displayed the tension of so many unmet expectations. That boyfriend made significantly less money than she did, and, to her dismay, he had no intention of changing his career path or prioritizing financial growth. His complacency was like a thorn in her side, a stark contrast to her relentless drive. She found herself increasingly bored by his contentment, even as she denied the hedonistic treadmill of "more, more, more."

Max could clearly see that Chen’s resolve around financial security was unwavering. For her, it was a deal breaker. She easily chose security over love, safety over relational joy, and abundance over scarcity. He recognized this in himself too, nodding his head in total agreement. She went on to defend her stance, by distinguishing opulence from abundance. "I don’t need luxury or a lavish lifestyle, but I do need a plentiful supply of all that I might need or want," she explained. "What if our child needed a special school for his great talent, and we could not afford such a thing? I just couldn’t live that way. Or, what if I needed to take time off with a pregnancy and my husband couldn’t take over the finances and keep our lifestyle afloat?" Max buzzed with a mutual confirmation of her priorities, for this was the code of his own family.

As Chen sussed out her potential relationship, Max noticed her looking deflated and disappointed. It was absolutely clear that her family's way of being in this new world was to never feel lack, helpless, or financially unstable. And if they did, they would get up and do something about it—even if it meant having five jobs. He loved the way she sat up with pride and secretly loved how that seemed to be mixed with an equal dose of disgust and disdain for the boyfriend. It was clear now. Chen’s conditioning could not mesh with her boyfriend’s, no matter how generous, kind, compassionate, or loving he was. Max could not have agreed more.

So, she dismissed the boyfriend from her life, feeling certain that somewhere in that big, big city, she could find someone who matched her financial ambitions and savvy. Her friend nodded in agreement, sharing Chen’s belief that there must be someone out there for him as well. Someone who understood their lived reality as a testament to the power of relentless ambition and the refusal to settle for anything less than abundance. They both leaned back and gazed at the city skyline fantasizing about the fulfillment of sacred safety as their hands slowly drifted toward each other’s.