diving in

 Diving into the stuff we call shit… that stuff that immediately propels the mind to grab a belief and make a practice out of goodness, mercy, righteousness, healing and purity.
Diving in reveals that I am entwined with every single moment of apparent impurity, inseparable in the duality of life. The resonance of each moment living in the cells, informing, reforming, and revealing you in me. So now I can no longer say that I made it out, I conquered, I saved or even eloquently sang, smiled or danced my way out of this shit. Aversion aside, stepping into the individual and collective cesspool of unclaimed memories, may they rise as a miraculous source of vitality:

Energetic awakening in the cold of an empty church; dragging you out of an opium den; sleeping on couches with nowhere to go; shuddering beneath the frequency and volume of your voice; shrinking under your neglect; practicing to feel good; making you feel good.. all contrived opportunities to avoid that which we push away, rerouting into a quest for some sort of dreamed up, ridiculous world of perfection.

Sinking now, I am forever entwined with you, that moment of betrayal, rape, neglect and shame. Diving into that which is forbidden and held deep within the body bubbles forth, unplugged and complete: scum, instead of waiting for you to rise to the surface, I bow to you so that I may capture the frozen essence of me, and you, and release my frigid separation as vitality; the ultimate forgiveness. Every moment an opportunity, that dream, and all those secretly revealing images in the day and in the night. See how I made you out to be the bad guy, and yet you live in me, a synthesis of a moment between us both, perpetrator and victim, victim and perpetrator, no longer hiding in the epigenetics of history.

No more an “I” that is wiser for it, made it out, survived, or gets it. ‘She’ has fallen apart at the seams and dissolved in the miracle of all that has been pushed away as unbearable. Even the collective shame of this and that is captured in an image begging for viewing that we, for forever and a day, have agreed not to see - come hell or high water. To fear, look up, rise above, be secretly better than through money or beauty or status - when what is called for is what was always needed. The healing is in hearing the muffled voice that screams: See me; feel me; do not resist me any longer for you are ready for it all, from the most tragic to the most blissful. There is no more shit, for even the deepest aversion is loved in the tender dimension of true freedom. Freedom is not getting away from it or you but including every locked-up morsel of energy within those forgotten moments.

Dropping out of the dream and into the embodiment of realization absolutely includes meeting that which has been neglected by way of constantly naming things as good or bad, terrible or perfect, this or that. And, and. There is no other way out for our complete and utter ingestion of an either/or default state that keeps re-fulfilling itself, moment by moment in strands of judgement, prejudice, distraction and dissociation. And there is a virus, and nature is recuperating. And we are physically separate, and we are more connected than ever. And, and. Always, and, and. All ways. This is not a concept, this is a way of Being that frees our pent-up, rigid naturalness. So many of us, unbeknownst to even our self, is just that, a rigid system trying to be natural with rigid ideas about food, and beliefs about how to move your body and everything else imaginable under the sun!
The answer, as always, is not out there. The answer emerges as a truth when we include the very thing we run from. Otherwise we sanctify that which must never be forgotten at the sacrifice of true health and evolution and it is passed on, yet again, for the next generation to solve.