the gray wolf

This gray wolf might look scary, but deep down, he was just looking to express love. He was diligent in striving to be a better he-wolf, a better mate. He studied the 5 A’s of relationship: Acceptance, affection, appreciation, approval or acknowledgement and attention. He truly meant well, hoping to apply his new knowledge with his she-wolf. Yet he found that when simply receiving or giving love, there was an old and familiar feeling of resistance deep in his heart that pushed her away. He feared she would notice and so he worked even harder with all his A’s.
One day the he-wolf expertly tracked this visceral response, discovering an anger, probably to do with his mother he recognized, for she had been particularly critical, often yipping in an overly strong voice. He felt the ancient wall of protection in his heart, the separation that kept him safe from feelings of inadequacy and rejection. Only his mate was not ridiculing him. It was a reflex that he could not seem to shake no matter how much appreciation he practiced.
"One of the gifts of my wolf presence is allowing the sensations/feelings that previously could not be felt at an earlier age", he shared. Wise wolf, so true. So, let us see what happens then if we allow the sensations of anger, meeting and welcoming the wall. He let it diffuse and relax enough to discover what he knew was hiding behind. And there it was, the sens-a-tions of rejection and shock. He gave this his soft attention, acknowledging the protected feelings at last. Appreciating them with a tender affection as if holding them for the first time.
It was different this way. Knowing about this part and continuing to protect is very different than including and feeling. This inner A practice provided a huge relief as feelings moved as sensations. In their wake he experienced a heart opening and a humble wisdom that was palpable. He realized that he had learned to treat himself the way he had perceived his mother treating him. With a criticism so strong that he was constantly desiring to be perfect.
When the hurt softened and his big, wolf body relaxed, he no longer coupled the criticism with perfection. He could just be; strong, loving, and available. The he-wolf continued to practice the inner 5 A’s instead, offering his heart with openness. He saw that he was using the A’s to feel better about himself, but he experienced a greater healing and wisdom by applying them to his own broken heart. And having done so he no longer had the need to project perfection onto his she-wolf, and she could finally relax too.