illumination

It was just the hardest thing for them to clarify, like trying to separate oil from water with bare hands. First, he would share something important and meaningful with her, a delicate seed of vulnerability, but then feel responsible for how she felt in response, as if he had control over the soil in which his words took root. She, in turn, would blame him for how she felt, making him responsible for how she reacted, as though he were the weather controlling her emotional climate. This cycle continued over and over, a relentless merry-go-round of misplaced responsibility, mitigated only by time and distance which threatened the slim peace in the air, fragile as a soap bubble.

Neither knew how to connect with, much less remain connected as and in their essential self, lost wanderers in the labyrinth of their own psyche. Their hyper-vigilance to others, coined as 'empathy,' and code for relational and attachment trauma, made them especially concerned with how others are feeling, and then taking that energy in as 'theirs,' like sponges absorbing every drop of emotional liquid around them.

Not knowing how to connect with their own heart and essence while connecting with another made the concept truly foreign. And to make the heart journey expectedly difficult, their hearts were filled with unfelt emotions making access truly challenging and complicated. Each time they tried connecting with their hearts they found fear, grief, anger, and regret, a thorny thicket guarding the way. There was also love, gratitude and compassion, but entirely for others – never for themselves, as if they were pouring from an empty cup.

Over time they journeyed inward to purify their hearts like explorers in the uncharted territory of their inner landscape, using the higher and more exalted emotions to hold their hurts like the tenderness it takes to cradle a wounded bird. This took patience and spiraling through many layers of familiar themes and parts, but it was worth the effort for only then, staying connected with their respective hearts, was possible, like finally finding the North Star after a long, dark night.

They each learned how to anchor a good portion of their attention home in their heart, while simultaneously offering another portion toward another, balancing more elegantly on the tightrope of self and other. Always with self, while truly here with you, they became radically responsible like two lighthouses shining independently yet illuminating each other with clarity.