ANNA PITTMAN PHD, CC., THERAPIST & SPIRITUAL LIFE COACH
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7/8/2024

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Claire's wardrobe was a map of her past lives: a business suit, track suits and necklaces with pictures of her long-ago infants. Each of her many outfits was a badge of a role she'd mastered, each role a fortress she'd built against the unknown. Her words masked a deep-seated fear of who she might be without these roles as the past clung to her like a second skin, defining her every move and thought with a persistent nervous energy.

For Claire, letting go was unthinkable. The price she'd paid for each identity—both in money and in pieces of her soul—was too high to simply abandon. She clung to the ghosts of her past, even as they slipped through her fingers, leaving her disoriented and grasping at shadows. Without these roles, Claire was adrift, with no compass to guide her to her true self.

Then the world turned upside down when Covid forced her into isolation, severing her ties to the very roles she depended on. Three weeks alone, trapped with her thoughts, felt like a death sentence. Claire's sense of self crumbled without the constant reflection of others and distance became her enemy, magnifying her fear and pushing her to the edge of sanity.

But the enforced solitude also planted the seeds of change. On her back porch, staring at the trees, the creek, the mountain, she began to see beyond her fear. Nature whispered secrets of transformation and rebirth and Claire realized that space was not a void to be feared but a fertile ground for growth.

As she experienced space within and without, Claire felt a shift. The spinning thoughts and rationalizations began to quiet, replaced by a calm, luminous clarity. She was part of a greater whole, a process of becoming that transcended her past identities. She allowed herself to feel the emptiness, to confront the terror of not knowing who she was and in that space, she found her presence rising like a phoenix from the ashes. She didn't need to claim wisdom or spirituality as a new identity either for they existed quite naturally.

No longer a prisoner of her past, Claire embraced the unknown. She balanced her spirit, emotions, and intellect, letting them guide her actions from a place of truth. She could simply be, allowing her authentic self to illuminate word and action. Claire stood on her porch, a smile playing on her lips as the world continued to change around her. She was ready to face whatever came next, not as a collection of past roles, but as Claire—a whole, evolving being.

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